Humor
How To Write Good
1. Avoid alliteration. Always. 2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. 3. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They’re old hat.) 4. Employ the vernacular. 5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. 6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary. 7. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. 8. Contractions aren’t necessary. 9. Foreign words […]
Great Golf?
John and his friend George go golfing together one Saturday morning, as they have done for 24 years straight. Yes, you might say these guys were fanatics about their golfing. Later that day, John returns home exhausted, and plops down in the easy chair. His wife is concerned and asks if something went wrong with […]
Twas The Night Before Christmas
A festive holiday poem by Hugh Drumm & Vincent Ambrose ‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Net, There were hacker’s a surfing. Nerds? Yeah, you bet. The e-mails were stacked by the modem with care, In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there. The newbies were nestled all snug by their […]
Is There A Santa Claus?
As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research help from that renown scientific journal SPY magazine (January, 1990) – I am pleased to present the annual scientific inquiry into Santa Claus. 1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, […]
The X-Mas Files
By R. Birsch 57 ELM STREET BETHLEHEM, PA. 11:51 P.M., DECEMBER 24TH We’re too late! It’s already been here. Mulder, I hope you know what you’re doing. Look, Scully, just like the other homes: Douglas fir, truncated, mounted, transformed into a shrine; halls decked with boughs of holly; stockings hung by the chimney, with care. […]
Accident
Bob Hill and his new wife, Betty, were vacationing in Europe, as it happens, near Transylvania. They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late, and raining very hard. Bob could barely see 10 feet in front of the car. Suddenly, without warning, the car skids out of control! […]
Dieter’s [Christmas] Lament
Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse. The cookies I’d nibbled, the eggnog I’d taste At the holiday parties had gone to my waist. When I got on the scales there arose such a number! When I walked to the store (less a walk […]
Remember When…
A computer was something on TV from a science fiction show of note a window was something you hated to clean… And ram was the cousin of a goat…. Meg was the name of my girlfriend and gig was a job for the nights now they all mean different things and that really mega bytes […]
The Night After Christmas
Twas the night after Christmas and all through the trailer, the beer had gone flat and the pizza was staler. The tube socks hung empty, no candies or toys and I was camped out on my old Lay-Z-Boy. The kids they weren’t talking to me or my wife, the worst Christmas they said they had […]
Conceit [Definition]
“He brings a whole new meaning to the term ‘Credit Manager’.” One from a Clint Eastwood movie: “He’s a legend in his own mind.” Others: There’s no idea too good to claim as his own.
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