Humor
On Route
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there […]
Technology For The Country Folk
Dear all Some technology terms for country folk LOG ON: Making a wood stove hotter LOG OFF: Don’t add no more wood MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the wood stove DOWNLOAD: Gettin the farwood off the truck MEGA HERTZ: When yer not keerful gettin the farwood FLOPPY DISC: Watcha git from tryin to carry too […]
Help Wanted
A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window saying: “HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.” A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went […]
You Might Be A Preacher If…
You’ve waded in a creek wearing a necktie. You’ve ever dreamed you were preaching only to awaken and discover who you were. You’d rather negotiate with terrorists than the church organist. A church picnic is no picnic. You’ve ever wanted to fire the church and form a congregation search committee. You’ve been tempted to take […]
Santa’s Coming
‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the skies, Air defenses were up, with electronic eyes. Combat pilots were nestled in ready-room beds, As enemy silhouettes danced in their heads. Every jet on the apron, each SAM in its tube, Was triply-redundant, linked to the Blue Cube, And ELINT and AWACS gave coverage so […]
Bread Is Dangerous
Important Warning for those who have been drawn unsuspectingly into the use of bread: 1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users. 2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests. 3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in […]
Preparation For Parenthood
Preparation for parenthood is not just a matter of reading books and decorating the nursery. Here are 12 simple tests for expectant parents to take to prepare themselves for the real life experience of being a mother or father. 1) (Women) To prepare for maternity, put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag chair […]
Church Bulletin Announcements
The following announcements, believe it or not, have supposedly appeared in church bulletins around the country: 1) Don’t let worry kill you–let the church help. 2) Thursday night-Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow. 3) Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. 4) For those of you who have […]
Religious Man
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. I immediately ran over and said “Stop! Don’t do it!” “Why shouldn’t I?” he said. I said, “Well, there’s so much to live for!” “Like what?” “Well … are you religious or atheist?” “Religious.” […]
Howlers
These cute statements were written by actual students and are genuine, authentic and not re-touched or corrected: In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah […]
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