Humor
Jews And Catholics
A Jewish man moves into a strict Catholic neighborhood. Every Friday, the Catholics practically go crazy — because while they’re morosely eating only fish, the Jew is in his backyard barbecuing steaks. So, the Catholics work on the Jew to convert him. Finally, by long endurance, the Catholics succeed. They take the Jew to a […]
A Dieter’s Prayer
Lord, grant me the strength that I might not fall into the clutches of cholesterol. At polyunsaturates, I’ll never mutter. for the road to hell is paved with butter. And cake is cursed, and cream is awful and Satan is hiding in every waffle. Beelzebub is a chocolate drop, and Lucifer is a lollipop. Teach […]
Gandhi
Ghandi walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. Even when he wasn’t on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. Due to his poor diet and deteriorating health, he suffered from very bad breath. Nevertheless he was highly respected as an […]
Little Dog Story
In a small country pub, all the patrons became quite used to the pub owners little dog being around the bar, so were quite upset when one day the little dog died. Everyone met to decide how they could remember the little dog. The decision was to cut off his tail and stick it up […]
Helping Out The President
A Marine colonel on his way home from work at the Pentagon came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, “Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing’s even moving.” He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars so he rolls down his window and asks, […]
Quirky Facts
1. What occurs more often in December than any other month? Conception. 2. Only 14% of Americans say they’ve done this with the opposite sex. What is it? Skinny dipping. 3. What separates “60 Minutes,” on CBS from every other TV show? No theme song. 4. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of […]
Sigs For Your Amusement
Photons have mass!!?? I didn’t even know they were Catholic… A diagnostic is someone who doesn’t know whether there are two gods. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools. Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion. On an atheist’s tombstone: Here lies an atheist; all dressed up and no place […]
Oxymorons
50. Act naturally 49. Found missing 48. Resident alien 47. Advanced BASIC 46. Genuine imitation 45. Airline Food 44. Good grief 43. Same difference 42. Almost exactly 41. Government organization 40. Sanitary landfill 39. Alone together 38. Legally drunk 37. Silent scream 36. British fashion 35. Living dead 34. Small crowd 33. Business ethics 32. […]
Clergyman And The Farmer
A clergyman walking down a country lane and sees a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off. “You look hot, my son,” said the cleric. “why don’t you rest a moment, and I’ll give you a hand.” “No thanks,” said the young man. “My father wouldn’t like […]
Twas The Night Before Christmas
T’was the night before Christmas and all through the house, Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care. They’d been worn all week and needed the air. Anon
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