Humor
In Prison
IN PRISON…You spend the majority of your time in an 8×10 cell. AT WORK…You spend most of your time in a 6×8 cubicle. IN PRISON…You get three meals a day. AT WORK…You only get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it. IN PRISON…You get time off for good behavior. AT […]
Different Between Dogs And Cats…
DOG: He feeds me, cares for me, gives me shelter — He must be a god! CAT: He feeds me, cares for me, gives me shelter — I must be a god!
100gb Bug
EXPERTS WARN OF THREAT FROM 100GigaBurg BUG – Experts warned today of a new and deadly threat to our beleaguered civilization: the 100GB Bug. As most people know, McDonald’s restaurant signs show the number of hamburgers the giant chain has sold. That number now stands at 99 billion burgers, or 99 Gigaburgers (GB). Within months […]
Veterans’ Talk
Shooting the breeze down at the Veteran’s hospital, a trio of old timers ran out of tales of their own heroic exploits and started bragging about their ancestors. "My great grandfather, at age 13," one declared proudly, "was a drummer boy at Shiloh." "Mine," boasted another, "went down with Custer at the Battle of Little […]
Women Will Like This Too
The patient’s family gathered to hear what the specialists had to say. "Things don’t look good. The only chance is a brain transplant. This is an experimental procedure. It might work, but the bad news is that brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs yourselves." "Well, how much does a […]
Woman – A Chemical Analysis
Element: Woman Symbol: Wo Atomic Weight: Accepted as 118, but known to vary from 105 to 175 Discoverer: Adam Occurance: Copious quantities in all Urban areas, with slightly lower concentrations in Suburban and Rural areas. Subject to seasonal fluctuations. Physical Properties: 1) Surface usually covered with painted film. 2) Boils at nothing, freezes without reason. […]
Church Kids
Received by MIKEY’S FUNNIES. (http://www.YouthSpecialties.com/) After church on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, “Mom, I’ve decided I’m going to be a minister when I grow up.” “That’s okay with us,” the mother said, “But what made you decide to be a minister?” “Well,” the boy replied, “I’ll have to go […]
Boys With Toys
These are more serious than the light-bulb jokes. Know any more? "He who dies with the most toys, wins" Materialist: He who dies with the most toys, wins Hare Krishna: He who plays with the most toys, wins Saint: He who denies himself the most toys, wins <stereotype warning>Jews: He who buys the toys at […]
Golf Story
As a young man, Norton was an exceptional golfer. At the age of 26, however, he decided to become a priest, and joined a rather peculiar Order. He took the usual vows of poverty, chastity, but his Order also required that he quit golf and never play again. This was particularly difficult for Norton, but […]
Thirty Minutes To A Cleaner House
You’re getting company in 30 minutes. Your house is a mess. WHAT WILL YOU DO? Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the first session of Housekeeping Tips for Regular People. If you’re a Martha Stewart type of housekeeper, this column is NOT for you. However, for the rest of you, this is your chance to learn […]
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