Humor
Doggie Pledge
I will not eat the cats’ food, before or after they eat it. I will not burn rubber through the open car window and into the fast food restaurant, no matter how good it smells. The computer’s mouse is, unlike a real mouse, inedible. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of […]
Weird Laws Of The U.S.
– It is illegal in Kentucky to marry the same man more than 3 times. – In California it is illegal to set a mouse trap without a hunting license. – In Tennessee it is illegal to use Lassos to catch a fish. (A rusty hook is far more humane…) – If a man is […]
More About Dogs
HOW DOGS AND MEN ARE ALIKE 1. Both keep moving…even when they are lost. 2. Both take up too much space on the bed. 3. Both have irrational fears about the vacuum cleaner. 4. Both are threatened by their own kind. 5. Neither understands what you see in cats. 6. Both want dominance. 7. Both […]
Why My Dog Doesnt Use My Computer
TOP TEN REASONS MY DOG DOESN’T USE MY COMPUTER 10. T0o0p hqa5rxd 6tt0[o 6ty[p3e 2w9igtjh ;pa3wds ( Too hard to type with paws) 9. "Sit" and "stay" were hard enough; "delete" and "save" are out of the question. 8. Saliva-coated floppy disks refuse to work. 7. Carpal Paw Syndrome. 6. Involuntary tail wagging is dead […]
Bill Gates And 666
From: "Rowland C. Croucher" <> Newsgroups: aus.religion.christian,aus.religion Subject: Bill Gates and 666: how much of this is 'bovine residue'? Date: Fri, 22 May 1998 08:26:48 -1000 This is how I received it from a friend… How much of it is hogwash? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Do you know that Bill gates' REAL name is William Henry Gates III? […]
Darwin Awards
You all know about the Darwin Awards – It’s an annual award given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. THE DARWIN AWARDS are given every year to bestow upon (the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the […]
When Considering The Behaviour Of A Howitzer Projectile:
When considering the behaviour of a howitzer projectile: A mathematician will be able to calculate where the shell will land. A physicist will be able to explain why it will land there. An engineer will try to catch it. That’s using your head! An Engineering Student, a Physics Student, and a Mathematics student were each […]
Actual Bumper Stickers
“Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.” “I love cats…they taste just like chicken” “Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.” “Cover me. I’m changing lanes.” “As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools” “Happiness is a belt-fed weapon” “Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.” […]
Computer Blues
Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary, System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor, Longing for the warmth of bedsheets, Still I sat there, doing spreadsheets… Having reached the bottom line, I took a floppy from the drawer. Typing with a steady hand, I then invoked the SAVE command […]
From – Sat Dec 06 14:25:43 1997
An Irishman sat down at the bar and ordered a Guiness. “Is that Jesus over there?” he asked. “Yes” said the barman. “Well give the man a Guiness” he said. A little while later an American walked in, sat down beside the Irisman and ordered a bourbon. “Is that Jesus over there?” he asked. “Yes” […]
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