Humor
Hello and Goodbye
Today, I picked up my mother-in-law at the airport. She’s getting a little vague up there. She’s at the age where she doesn’t remember things too well. So, when I saw her, I said, “Thanks for coming. Have a nice flight!” =========================== How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? Tell her a joke […]
Letter to a Bank
Dear Sirs, In view of what seems to be happening internationally with banks at the moment, I was wondering if you could advise me… if one of my cheques is returned marked ‘insufficient funds,’ how do I know whether that refers to me or to you?
Body facts
It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach. One human hair can support 3 kg (6 lb). Human thighbones are stronger than concrete. A woman’s heart beats faster than a man’s. There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet. Women blink twice as often as men. […]
How To Stop Gossip
Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church’s morals, kept sticking her nose into other people’s business. She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town’s only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told Frank […]
Little Girl in Church
A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. “Mommy” she said “Can we leave now?” “No” her mother replied. “Well, I think I have to throw up!” “Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a […]
Suicide
Was depressed last night so I called Lifeline. Got a call center in Pakistan.. I told them I was suicidal. They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck…
Getting old
When you get old sometimes your brain just does not repond as it once did. I didn’t hear this on a bus (mainly because despite the fact that I can travel for free, I can’t actually manage to climb onto a bus!). I heard it in a shop – just a snatch of conversation “… […]
Deathbed Question
Old Morris was near to death. He lay or his bed with the family gathered around. “Samuel, my son are you there?” he croaked. “Yes, father, I am here.” “Ruth, my daughter, are you there?” “Yes, Daddy, I am here.” “David, my second son, are you there?” “Yes, Dad, I am here.” “Rebecca, my youngest […]
Ecology vs Economy
Discussion about how we mustn’t proceed too fast with tackling climate change, lest we damage the economy, reminds me of the old joke about a Scotsman held up at gunpoint by a robber (highwayman) – Robber: “Your money, or your life!” Scot: “Take my life. I’m saving my money for my old age.”
If You Think My Preaching’s Bad, Try My Jokes
‘If You Think My Preaching’s Bad, Try My Jokes’, David Pytches, Monarch Books, 2008. I remember visiting both Churches-of-England in Chorleywood, an outer London suburb. One was pastored by a Bishop (Peru, Chile, Bolivia) whose theology was ‘Charismatic’. The other church was Evangelical. This collection of quips, jokes, and funny stories has been collected by […]
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