Humor
One-liners
When I went into labor, I notified my parents, and they rushed to the hospital. They arrived before my husband and were ushered into the room where I was being monitored. The doctor came in and, motioning to Dad, asked, “Is this the husband?” “Oh, no,” Dad blurted out. “I’m the father!” =========================== Politics (just […]
Frog
A guy is 71 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, “Pick me up.” He looked around and couldn’t see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, “Pick me up.” He looked in the […]
Gift of a kitten
(Anyone know if this is a hoax, or true?) *Whoever said the Creator doesn’t have a sense of humor? Dwight Nelson recently told a true story about the pastor of his church. He had a kitten that climbed up a tree in his backyard and then was afraid to come down. The pastor coaxed, offered […]
When I’m An Old Lady
“When I’m An Old Lady” When I’m an old lady, I’ll live with each kid, And bring so much happiness…just as they did. I want to pay back all the joy they’ve provided. Returning each deed! Oh, they’ll be so excited! (When I’m an old lady and live with my kids) I’ll write on the […]
Product Warnings
On a Sears hairdryer — Do not use while sleeping. (That’s the only time I have to work on my hair.) ============================= On a bag of Fritos — You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?) ============================= On a bar of Dial soap — “Directions: Use like regular soap.” (and […]
Laura Bush Bought A Parrot
Laura Bush bought Dubya a parrot for his birthday. She told Dick Cheney, “The bird is so smart! George has already taught him to mispronounce over 200 words!” “Wow, that’s pretty impressive,” Cheney said. “But you realize that he just says the words. He doesn’t understand what they mean.” “That’s okay,” Laura replied. “Neither does […]
Mothers
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.” 2. My mother taught me RELIGION . “You better pray that will come out of the carpet.” 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. “If you don’t straighten up, […]
Jewish Jokes
THE ROWING TEAM Yeshiva University decided to field a rowing team. Unfortunately, they lose race after race. Even though they practice and practice for hours everyday, they never manage to come in any better than dead last. Finally, the team decides to send Morris Fishbein, its captain, to spy on Harvard, the perennial championship team. […]
Number 1 Song on your date of birth
Find the number 1 song on the day of your birth. http://www.joshhosler.biz/NumberOneInHistory/SelectMonth.htm — Shalom! Rowland Croucher http://jmm.org.au/ (20,000 articles 4000 humor)
Men, women and marriage etc.
My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn’t. ——————————————————————— Marriage is a three-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. ———————————————————————- For Sale : Wedding dress, size 8. Worn once by mistake. ———————————————————————– There are two times when a man doesn’t understand a woman: Before marriage and […]
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