Humor
Uncle
A young man walks onto the stage of Stars in their Eyes, on crutches, with a plaster cast from his feet to his hips. Matthew Kelly Introduces him as Simon. ‘It’s very brave of you to come out here,’ says Matthew. ‘Please tell the audience what happened?’ ‘Well’ replies Simon ‘about a year ago, I […]
Mice and alcohol
David Sinclair and his Harvard colleagues fed high doses of resveratrol, a molecule found in grape skins and red wine, to laboratory mice eating a high-calorie diet. Although the animals grew fat, they did not suffer from the diseases of obesity that affected mice eating the same food without resveratrol. Indeed they were as healthy […]
Bigotry
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi were all sitting at a table, finishing dinner and discussing theology. Suddenly an angel appeared before them. “I have been sent to grant each of you one wish,” he said. “Who will go first?” The catholic priest stood up. “I wish for the destruction of all protestants!” Then […]
Grandkids
My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, “62.” He was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, “Did you start at 1?” ********************************************************************* After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy […]
Old Age
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards […]
Texas in July as Well as Other Places
YOU KNOW YOU ARE IN the great State of Texas when????? The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground. The trees are whistling for the dogs. The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance. Hot water now comes out of both taps. You can make sun tea […]
Four letter words
A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. “Well,” said her mother, “so how was the honeymoon?” Oh, mama,” she replied, “the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic…”Suddenly she burst out crying. “But, mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most […]
Year in Review
A Blonde’s Year in Review January – Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. February – Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels….Helllloooo!!!…..bottles won’t fit in printer !!! March – Got really excited…..finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and box said 2-4 years. April – Trapped on escalator for […]
Conditions of Employment
BASIC CONDITIONS OF EMPLOYMENT ACT Dear Staff, *SALARIES* It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. o If we see you wearing a Gold chain, Nike sneakers and carrying a Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. o If you […]
Don’t Mess With the Nuns
A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won’t stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies: “I have a question to ask you but I don’t want to offend you” She answers, “My son, you cannot offend me. […]
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