Campaign Funding Can you believe a candidate dropped out of the race because of a lack of campaign funds? Anyone who stops spending just because he’s out of money doesn’t belong in Washington anyway! ================ A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talked and talked and talked with the […]
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double-pane, energy-efficient kind. Today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He complained that the work had been completed a year ago and I still hadn’t paid for them. Hellloooo,…………just because I’m blonde doesn’t mean that I am automatically […]
Dear John, I have been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement. Won’t you forgive and forget? Your absence is breaking my heart. I was a fool, nobody can take your place. I love you. All my love, Belinda. P.S. Congratulations on winning this week’s lottery. ======================= A man had tickets to Game […]
A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him. “Pardon me,” she said, “I’m sorry if my […]
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it’s H to O. ============================= There were 3 friends stranded in an island. Exploring the island, the 3 men found a bottle so they opened it. A genie […]
The patient says, “Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.” The doctor says, “Take the spoon out of the glass before you drink.” ======================= A student is talking to his teacher. Student: “Would you punish me for something I didn`t do?” Teacher:” Of course not.” Student: “Good, because I haven’t done […]
A vicar was invited by the headmistress of the local Anglican Girls School to talk to her older students about Christianity and sex. Not wishing to compromise either his datebook or his less tolerant wife the vicar entered the engagement as “Talk to girls about sailing.” A day or so after his talk the headmistress […]
Since all the ¢â‚¬Å“kids ¢â‚¬ have their little codes…like BFF, WTF, LOL, etc. here are some codes for seniors: ATD – At the Doctor’s BFF – Best Friends Funeral BTW – Bring the Wheelchair BYOT – Bring Your Own Teeth CBM – Covered by Medicare CUATSC – See You at the Senior Center FWIW – Forgot Where I Was […]
A man walks into the psychiatrist ¢â‚¬â„¢s office with a zucchini up his nose, a cucumber in his left ear, and a breadstick in his right ear. He says, ¢â‚¬Å“What is wrong with me? The psychiatrist replies, ¢â‚¬Å“You are not eating properly. ¢â‚¬ =================== The boss was concerned that his employees weren ¢â‚¬â„¢t giving him enough respect, so […]
____________________________________ TEACHER: Why are you late? STUDENT: Class started before I got here. ——————————————————– TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America . MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ? CLASS: Maria. ____________________________________ TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me […]