Humor
One-liners
The trouble with life is, you’re halfway through it before you realize it’s a do-it-yourself thing. Life is sexually transmitted. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. If at first you don’t succeed — give up! No use being a damn fool. If at first you DO succeed, try not to […]
Old Jokes
Talking about old jokes, there’s a poem which sums it up. I can’t remember exact words, but it went something like this – “When I was young and callow, The joke was hoary theme. Now I am sere and yellow, Same joke is evergreen.”
Computer Help
Computer humour (If there is such a thing) HELPDESK LOG… Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have? Female customer: A white one… ——————————————————————– Hi, this is Celine. I can’t get my diskette out. Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button? Customer: Yes, sure, it’s really stuck. Helpdesk: That doesn’t sound good; I’ll make a […]
Check-out
It was a Saturday afternoon, and Ray had rushed down to the local supermarket to hurriedly pick up some hamburger rolls, chips and a few condiments. The big college game was going to be on, so he was having a few friends over to watch it. The store was loaded with shoppers and as he […]
The President and the Little Girl
President Bush is visiting a primary school somewhere in the mid-west and while talking to the kids asks if anyone has any questions. A little girl whose Dad is a soldier overseas asks ” Mr. President, when are the soldiers coming home, where are the WMDs and why did we go to Iraq?” Just then […]
Comments On Bloopers
From one one pastor-friend: My church secretary included an invitation in the church newsletter to ‘come and loin together in prayer on Saturday morning’ – it was a very well attended prayer meeting! True. And another: Re the Low Self-Esteem Support Group. Did you know they have a theme song: “If you’re worthless and you […]
Ovulation vs. Cretinism
From Mark Tindall: Excerpt from Georgia Skeptic Electronic Newsletter, Fall 1993 Author Unknown Two different theories exist concerning the origin of children: the theory of sexual reproduction and the theory of the stork. Many people believe in the theory of sexual reproduction because they have been taught this theory at school. In reality, however, many […]
Bloopers
Oldies but goodies! Try reading these aloud to someone else! Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa. The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.” The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.” The […]
Horse Racing Terms
If like me you only take an interest in racing once a year, then this info is for you: Understanding the lingo. TRIFECTA To pick the first three horses past the post in order. BOXED TRIFECTA To pick the first three horses past the post in any order. EACH-WAY A bet that depends on your […]
The Prayer of Jezebel
by Todd Outcalt Issue #179, Jan./Feb. 2002 Yes, just like the popular Prayer of Jabez, readers can learn how to tap into God’s limitless supply of blessings by praying The Prayer of Jezebel each day. And by memorizing the six Points of Jezebel (tried and tested both on Wall Street and at Robert Tilton Ministries), […]
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