Humor
Computer Programming: Jesus and the Devil
Jesus and the devil were arguing over which one of them was the better computer programmer. ¢â‚¬Å“I am! ¢â‚¬ Jesus shouted. ¢â‚¬Å“No, I am! ¢â‚¬ the devil countered. ¢â‚¬Å“I am! ¢â‚¬ ¢â‚¬Å“I am! ¢â‚¬ … ¢â‚¬Å“Me! ¢â‚¬ ¢â‚¬Å“No, me! ¢â‚¬ ¢â‚¬Å“EEEEEEENOUGH! ¢â‚¬ God bellowed, and the whole universe disappeared into darkness. When the lights came back on, two computers were sitting in front […]
FOLKSY HUMOUR
So one day, Gramma sent her grandson Johnny down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Gramma’s kitchen. “Well now, where’s my bucket and where’s my water?” […]
Who Sank the Titanic?
The plane leaves Heathrow Airport under the control of a Jewish captain. His copilot is Chinese. It’s the first time they’ve flown together and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike. Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, ‘I […]
Short of a dollar?
Tired of being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife and arranging to have her killed. A “friend of a friend” put him in touch with a nefarious underworld figure, who went by the name of “Artie.” […]
God’s Email
One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the misbehaving that was going on. So he called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time. When the angel returned, he told God, ‘Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not. […]
The Longest War
By Harry T. Cook 11/12/10 As wars and rumors of wars have been always with us, I can say that, never having been given a choice about whether to have one, I was able to tolerate our longest war best. It was the one that lasted about 45 years, roughly from 1945 to the early […]
Smile!
A man walked up to a school and said “can you teach me to read and write” The administrator said, “Yes we can”! Just fill out this form.” =============================== The personnel office received an email requesting a listing of the department staff broken down by age and sex. The personnel office sent this reply… “Attached […]
A Bunch of Laughs
Ventriloquist and the Blonde A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he’s doing a show at the Crown Casino. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blond jokes when a blond woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting! “I’ve heard enough […]
Ex Girlfriend
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asks, “Do you know her?” “Yes,” I sighed, “She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after […]
LONDON LAWYER Vs GLASGOW COP
A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow copper. He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain he has a better education than any Jock cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at […]
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