Humor
#5 Bus
A married couple trying to live up to a snobbish lifestyle went to a party. The conversation turned to Mozart. “Absolutely brilliant, magnificent, a genius!” The woman, wanting to join in the conversation, remarked casually, “Ah, Mozart. You’re so right. I love him. Only this morning I saw him getting on the No. 5 bus […]
A Christmas Word Game
It’s a matter of opinion that Yule love the game we’re about to play. In each sentence below, fill in the blank or blanks with an expression commonly used at Christmastide. Answers repose at the end of this column. 1. On December 24, Adam’s wife was known as _____ _____. 2. In Charles Dickens’s A […]
Relatives
A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the husband sarcastically asked, “Relatives of yours?” “Yep” the wife replied, “in-laws”.
All In The Family
A cowboy walks into a bar in Texas, orders three mugs of brew and sits in the back room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells him, “You know, a mug goes flat after […]
Hymns
One Sunday a pastor told his congregation that the church needed some extra money and asked the people to prayerfully consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns. After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and […]
New Harvard Study Suggests Women Should Shut Up
22/11/2002 – Modern Psychologist Journal. A new Harvard University study has shed new light on the problem of spousal abuse. The study, lead by sociologist Marvin Shumacker suggests that upiddy women who shoot their mouths off, or more commonly put… mouth off, are far more likely to receive a beating than women who stay in […]
You Know You’re In Trouble When…
… Your accountants letter of resignation is postmarked Zurich. … You have to hitch hike to the bank to make your car payment. … Your suggestion box starts ticking. … Your secretary tells you the FBI is on line 1, the DA is on line 2, and CBS is on line 3. … You see […]
Marx Brothers Paraphrased For Yule
Chico: whyda we havta signa this page ? Groucho: That’s all right…it’s in every contract. It’s what we call a sanity clause. Chico: You canta fool me. There ain’t no Sanity Clause.
Pirate’s First Day
A pirate walks off his ship. He has a wooden leg, a hook instead of a hand, and a patch over his right eye. He sits down on a bench, and begins throwing peanuts to the seagulls. Two curious young children shyly sit down next to him and ask the pirate how he came to […]
Moron
See the happy moron, He doesn’t give a damn. I wish I was a moron – My God! Perhaps I am. ~~~ 3 Morons sitting on a wall. A big one, a medium one and a small one. After a while 2 of them fell off, leaving the smallest. Why? Because he was a little […]
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