Humor
Noah
One day God calls down to Noah and says, “Noah me old china, I want you to make me a new Ark”. Noah replies, “No probs God, me old Supreme Being, anything you want after all you’re the guv’ . . . “. But God interrupts, “Ah, but there’s a catch. This time Noah, I […]
Who Reads What
Who Reads What Newspapers from Howard Hildreth 1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country. 2. The New York Times is read by people who think they run the country. 3. The Washington Post is read by people who think they should run the country. 4. USA Today is […]
Little Johnny
Little Johnny came downstairs crying loudly. His mother asked, “What’s the matter?” “Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with a hammer,” said Johnny through his tears. “That’s not so serious,” soothed his mother. “I know you’re upset, but a big boy like you shouldn’t cry at something like that. Why didn’t you […]
Enemies In The West
A knight and his men return to their castle after a long hard day of fighting. “How are we faring?” asks the king. “Sire,” replies the knight, “I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the west.” “What?!” shrieks the king. “I don’t have any […]
Weight Lifting
My grandfather worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a boy, and he used to tell me, when I was a little boy myself, how he had toughened himself up so he could stand the rigors of blacksmithing. One story was how he had developed his arm and shoulder muscles. He said he would […]
Home Groan!
Yes, it’s awful, but home-grown. (home-groan?) So there’s our hero, the Spitfire pilot during the Battle of Britain, chasing the old enemy, the Messerschmidt, back across the Channel to the coast of occupied France. As he crosses the coast of France however, full of adrenalin in his hot pursuit of the foe, he is incautious […]
More Oxymorons
Jumbo Shrimp British Cuisine Marijuana Initiative President Reagan Random Patterns Microsoft Works Government Aide Holy war Stiff drink Exposed secret Nazi intelligence RELIGIOUS CULT
Puns
I am moved to quote John Dennis 1657-1734 “A man who could make so vile a pun would not scruple to pick a pocket.” ~~~ A good pun is its own re-word. ~~~ The village of Tridia was besieged by vicious giants who would repeatedly storm through town and kick the peasants around. So after […]
Accident Report
There are some slight variations on The Accident Report… ( http://jmm.org.au/articles/7446.htm ) You can find them at Google. ************************************************************** ********************** 1 ************************************* ************************************************************** From: THE BIG PIG Subject: (:)Darwin Wannabe Newsgroups: alt.tasteless.jokes, aus.jokes, eunet.jokes, alt.humor Date: 1999/11/05 ^..^ –(:)OINK! __||__(oo)___||___ —||—“–“—–||— _||_( __ )___||___ Received from Poor Innocent Guy Todd of yahoo.com: Darwin Wanna Be […]
Telling The Truth
Following the posting of this story (which I can’t now find)… *Department Baseball* An interoffice softball game was held every year between the marketing and support staff of one company. The support staff whipped the marketing department soundly. To show just “how” the marketing department earns their keep, they posted this memo on the bulletin […]
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