An elderly woman and her little grandson, whose face was sprinkled with bright freckles, spent the day at the zoo. Lots of children were waiting in line to get their cheeks painted by a local artist who was decorating them with tiger paws. “You’ve got so many freckles, there’s no place to paint!” A girl […]
A NEW HYMN From August 12-19 issue of THE CHRISTIAN CENTURY (Sung to the tune of “Blessed Assurance, Jesus Is Mine”) ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Gracious submission, this is God’s test; Ladies in shackles, Southern Baptists are best; Shining my shoes and fetching a beer; This is our faith; so do it, my dear. CHORUS: Gracious submission, this […]
And did you know that you get a lot more sleep when you have kids? You can have up to six or seven sleeps a night, instead of just one!
There was a tradesman, a painter called Jock, who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often would thin down paint to make it go a wee bit further. As it happened, he got away with this for some time,but eventually the Baptist Church decided to do a big restoration […]
It is well documented that for every mile that you jog, you add one minute to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.
When Reality Sets In 1. Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. 2. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re getting old. Squash their toes with your rocker. 3. The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for. 4. Some people […]
PHILLIP RUDDOCK: I don’t care why the chicken crossed the road it should be sent back to where it came from. Who knows what might happen if we keep letting any old chicken cross the road. We could be inundated with them. Send them to the farmer up the road a bit and we can […]
Q. What’s the difference between a terrorist and a church organist? A. At least you can negotiate with most terrorists 🙂
Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers: New company will be called Fairwell Honeychild Polygram records, Warner Brothers and Keebler: New company will be called Poly Warner Cracker W.R. Grace Co., Fuller Brush Co., Mary Kay Cosmetics and Hale Business Systems: New company will be called Hale Mary Fuller Grace 3M and Goodyear: New company will be […]
10. God worried that Adam would be lost in the Garden of Eden because he wouldn’t ask directions. 9. God knew that someday Adam would need someone to hand him the TV remote. (Parenthetically, it has been noted that men don’t want to see what is on TV; they want to see WHAT ELSE is […]