Humor
The Right Question :-)
Given that Al Gore has no job, he decided to take a sightseeing Vacation to Europe. While visiting Europe, he is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is tosurround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if they’re intelligent. “I do […]
Quotes On Mothering
“The phrase ‘working mother’ is redundant.” – Jane Sellman “People often ask me, “What’s the difference between couplehood and babyhood?” In a word? Moisture. Everything in my life is now more moist. Between your spittle, your diapers, your spit-up and drool, you got your baby food, your wipes, your formula, your leaky bottles, sweaty baby […]
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road (More)
Sigmund Freud – The fact that you thought that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity! Bill Gates – I have just released the new Chicken 2000, which will both cross roads AND balance your chequebook, though when it divides 3 by 2 it gets 1.4999999999. Dr Seuss – Did the chicken […]
The Third E-Mail To The Corinthians
File: Epistle3.txt (104201 bytes) [Only the first part of this message is displayed. The entire message has been turned into a text attachment, encoded in 128-bit MIME and can only be read if you have an obscure program put out by the Essenes that you won’t have heard of.] Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus […]
Car Trouble
A Blonde calls 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: “They’ve stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!” she cries. The dispatcher says, “Stay calm. An officer is on the way.” […]
I Want To Be A Bear
If you’re a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that. Before you hibernate, you’re supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that too. If you’re a bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you are sleeping and […]
Coffee For Six
A blonde was recently hired at an office. Her first task was to go out for coffee. Eager to do well her first day on the job, she grabbed a large thermos and hurried to a nearby coffee shop. She held up the thermos and the coffee shop worker quickly came over to take her […]
Children’s Proverbs
A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and ask each student to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It’s hard to believe these were actually done by first graders, but there are some good ones nonetheless their insight may […]
Half Glass Of Milk
I’m sure you’ve heard the old story referring to optimism and pessimism that is determined by whether you think the glass is half-empty or half-full. Here are the reactions when somebody leaves a half glass of milk next to the keyboard. Optimist: The glass is half full. Pessimist: The glass is half empty. Apple Computer: […]
Irreverent Religious Quotes
GLOSSARY ( from “666 Ways To Survive In Church”) – Mark Tindall —————– AMEN – Yes, I agree; or in prayer “The End” BEING NEGATIVE – Being truthful BEING POSITIVE – Ignoring the truth of the matter BROTHER / SISTER – Other Christian whose name you have forgotten (Gender must not be confused!) CHORUS – […]
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