Humor
Illnesses
I had the toughest time of my life: First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering from those, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy. I completely lost my memory for a while. I know I had diabetes and acute ingestion, besides gastritis and rheumatism. […]
The Frog
A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.” The frog says, “This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what? “No,” says the psychic. “Next semester in her biology class.”
Banners
“Under same management for over 2000 years” “Tithe if you love Jesus! Anyone can honk!” “Beat the Christmas rush, come to church this Sunday!” “Don’t wait for the hearse to take you to church” “Don’t give up. Moses was once a basket case.” “Life has many choices, Eternity has two. What’s yours?” “Worry is interest […]
The Envelope Please
Morris had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high-tech corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes, #1,#2, and #3. “Open these if you run up against a problem you don’t think you can solve,” the departing CEO said. Things went […]
This Works!
This Works! (Please do not try at home) A man was going up to bed, when his wife told him he’d left the light on in the garden shed – she could see it from the bedroom window. But he said that he hadn’t been in the shed that day. He looked himself, and there […]
Biblical Headlines
If Biblical Headlines were written by Today’s Liberal Media On Red Sea crossing: WETLANDS TRAMPLED IN LABOR STRIKE Pursuing Environmentalists Killed —————————————————————————- —- On David vs. Goliath: HATE CRIME KILLS BELOVED CHAMPION Psychologist Questions Influence of Rock —————————————————————————- —- On Elijah on Mt. Carmel: FIRE SENDS RELIGIOUS RIGHT EXTREMIST INTO FRENZY 400 Killed —————————————————————————- —- […]
Plane Traveler
A plane is on its way to Montreal when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for Economy and that she will have to […]
Blonde And The Policeman
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house burglarized and ransacked. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog […]
You Need A New Car When …
– You pull over to let a fire truck go by, and it stops behind you. – You have to go to a repair center every thousand miles to get the duct tape replaced. – You accidentally drive into a junkyard, drive out, and get accused of stealing. – The Blue Book lists your car […]
Prayer Of Senility
” God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference. Now that I’m ‘older’ (but refuse to grow up), here’s what I’ve discovered. ONE- I started out with nothing, and I still have […]
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