Humor
Mmmmmmmmmmm
These are questions that only George Carlin could think to ask: 1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? 2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes? 3. Why do we say something is out of whack? What’s a […]
Stupid
Reporter: “The NATO strikes have been aborted due to bad weather?” Vice Admiral Scott Fry: “I’m afraid I can’t get into that level of detail right off the top of my head.” Reporter: “How about an approximation?” Admiral Fry: “I’d prefer not to even approximate it.” Reporter: “How about a ballpark figure?” Admiral Fry: “I […]
Finding Jesus
A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the Preacher. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, “Mister, Are you ready to find Jesus?” The drunk looks back and says, “Yes, Preacher..I sure am.” […]
Think About It
Think About it. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it!!! No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist trade places. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming. […]
Bart Simpson: ‘100 Times’
The opening credits of The Simpsons show Bart writing the same sentence over and over again on a chalkboard — remininscent of the “write it 100 times” type of punishment that teachers are known to assign. This serves to establish Bart as the troublemaker that he is. Each episode typically has Bart writing a different […]
City Hall
Some years ago Bishop Fulton Sheen was scheduled to speak at the Town Hall in an unfamiliar city. He decided to take a walk and, on the way, got lost. He saw some boys, so asked them the way to City Hall. “What are you going to do there?” asked one of the boys. “I’m […]
Why Ask Why?
WHY ASK WHY? Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime? Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? How does the […]
Filing In The Blanks
A teacher asked her 2nd grade class to fill in the blanks. This is what they wrote: Better to be safe than……Punch a 5th grader Strike while the ……….Bug is close It’s always darkest before…..Daylight Savings Time Never underestimate the power of….Termites You can lead a horse to water but……..how? Don’t bite the hand that……..looks […]
Gentle Ways To Create An Intellectual Climate In Your Classroom
Wear a hood with one eye hole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises. After confirming everyone’s names on the roll, thank the class for attending “Advanced Astrodynamics 690” and mention that yesterday was the last day to drop. After turning on the overhead projector, clutch your chest and scream “MY PACEMAKER!” Wear a pointed Kaiser helmet […]
Hill Technology
Here are some computer terms that might help. The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. Mark Twain, U.S. Author (1835-1910)
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