Humor
Housewife Dies And Goes To Heaven…
A housewife dies and goes to heaven She is met a the pearly gate by St Pete. “To get into heaven you have to pass a spelling test” he says. “oh I know I will fail as I never could spell” she replies. ” Spell LOVE” says Pete “Luv” she says. “Right on, your in […]
Short Stories
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. “If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, ‘Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait.’ Kevin turned to […]
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Not Afraid
A few minutes before the service started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon everyone had exited the church except for […]
Compliments…
“It’s just too hot to wear clothes today,” Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, “Honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed the lawn like this?” “Probably that I married you for your money,” she replied. Q : What must a woman do when a man is running […]
Long Life
An old man was relaxing at his hundredth birthday party when a reporter went up to him. “Sir, what is the secret of your long life?” The man considered this for a moment, then replied, “Every day at 9 PM I have a glass of port. Good for the heart I’ve heard.” The reporter replied, […]
Desert Island
It seems there was a Pentecostal Christian who was unfortunate enough to be shipwrecked in the South Pacific ocean. He struggled ashore on an uninhabited desert island where, for the next four years, he eked out a tenuous existence. One day, a ship sought shelter in the bay, and the crew were astounded to see […]
Mrs Johnson
A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined. After the trial he asked the judge, “Does this mean that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?” The judge said that was true. “Does this also mean […]
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?
Answers: Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American. Timothy Leary: Because that’s the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take. Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and, therefore, synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being. […]
Army
A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, “I guess when I die you’ll come and dance on my grave.” The cadet replied, “Not me, Sarge. I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I’d never […]
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