Humor
Want To Go To Heaven ?
Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, “Do you want to go to heaven?” The man said, “I do Father.” The priest said, “Then stand over there against the wall.” Then the priest asked the second man, “Do you want to got to heaven?” “Certainly, Father,” […]
Questionnaire From God
God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions. Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless you […]
Priest Playing Golf
A priest woke one Sunday morning and decided it was such a good day that he would ring in sick for church and go to play golf instead. He packed his clubs and went to the golf course. Meanwhile God and St. Peter are sitting around in Heaven watching the priest, St. Peter turns to […]
Pc-Isms [Politically Correct Terminology]
aesthetically challenged – ugly aquatically challenged – drowning biologically challenged – dead blubber lovers – whaler bovine control officers – Dallas Cowboys Caucasian Culturally-Disadvantaged – white trash certified astrological consultant – crackpot certified crystal therapist – crackpot certified past-life regression hypnotist – crackpot chemically challenged – drug addict chronologically gifted – old client of the […]
Difference In Men And Women
The Difference A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. The Style Men wake up as good looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night. A man is a person who will pay two […]
Restroom Joke
In a rest room at TIRR in the Houston Medical Center, a floor supervisor had placed a sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it— "THINK!" The next day, when he went to the rest room, he looked at the sign and right below, immediately above the soap dispenser, someone had […]
Who’s God?
Little Johnny goes up to his mother and asks, “Is God male or female?” After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, “Well, honey, God is both male and female.” This confuses the little boy, so he asks, “Is God black or white?” “Well,God is both black and white.” This further confuses the boy so […]
New Year’s Joke For The Day
New Year’s Resolutions for Internet Junkies 1. I will try to figure out why I *really* need 7 e-mail addresses. 2. I will stop sending e-mail to my wife. 3. I resolve to work with neglected children—my own. 4. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail. […]
A Cat In Heaven
The Scene: The Pearly Gates to Heaven. St Peter is receptionist at the entrance. A cat shows up. St Peter says “I know you! You were a very nice cat on earth and didn’t cause any trouble, so I want to offer a gift to you of one special thing you have always wanted.” Cat: […]
Newspaper Joke For The Day
Sometimes newspaper editors state the obvious: If strike isn’t settled quickly it may last a while War dims hope for peace Smokers are productive, but death cuts efficiency Cold wave linked to temperatures Child’s death ruins couple’s holiday Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn’t seen in years Man is fatally slain Something […]
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