Humor
Voices
A woman opened the door of a building and was about to step outside when she heard a voice saying, “Don’t take that next step or you’ll regret it.” She paused and a brick came crashing to the pavement right where she would have been standing. She looked around and there was no one nearby. […]
Three Blondes And Easter
Three blondes died in a car crash trying to jump the Grand Canyon and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St Peter tells them that they can enter the gates only if they can answer one simple religious question. The question posed by St. Peter is “What is Easter”? The first blonde replies, “Oh, […]
God Speaks Via Billboards
[Organized by churches in Dallas TX] That “Love Thy Neighbor” thing… I meant it. -God I love you and you and you and you and… -God Will the road you’re on get you to my place? -God Follow me. -God Big bang theory, you’ve got to be kidding. -God My way is the highway. -God […]
Special Day
“I bet you don’t know what day this is”, said the wife to her husband as he made his way out the front door. The husband was perplexed, but was always a quick thinker: “Of course I do, my dear. How could I forget!?” With that, he turned and rushed to catch the bus for […]
Secret Of A Long Life
Grandpa Cartmell was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared. “Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success,” he cackled. “I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now.” The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to […]
Language Difficulties
A Chinese went to a bar in Hawaii to have some drinks. At the counter, he sat next to a famous Hollywood producer, Steven Spielberg who was already ahead by a quart of alcohol. The producer was glaring at him. Suddenly, in a flash the Chinese crashed down from his stool, felled by a vicious […]
Pirate Story
A pirate was talking to a “land-lubber” in a bar. The land-lubber noticed that, like any self-respecting pirate, this guy had a peg leg, a hook in place of one of his hands and a patch over one eye. The land-lubber just had to find out how the pirate got in such bad shape. He […]
Children’s Tales
The kindergarten teacher was showing her class an encyclopedia page picturing several national flags. She pointed to the American flag and asked, “What flag is this?” A little girl called out, “That’s the flag of our country.” “Very good,” the teacher said. “And what is the name of our country?” ‘Tis of thee,” the girl […]
Prayer Of Senility
For those of us who are getting a little older: Prayer for Senility God grant me the Senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference…
A Week In Hell … The Schedule
A guy dies and wakes up to find he’s in Hell. He’s really depressed as he stands in the processing line waiting to talk to an admittance demon. He thinks to himself, “I know I led a wild life, but I wasn’t that bad. I never thought it would come to this.” Looking up, he […]
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