Humor
And then the fight started…
At my local they have ESPN and frequently have the boxing on. Anyway, this old codger walks in and says to the barmaid, “Quick, give me a drink before the fight starts”. She pulls him a schooner and hands it to him saying, “What fight?” He replies, after downing the schooner in two sips, “The […]
Smile!
A man pacing back and forth glanced at his watch and yelled upstairs to his wife, “Honey, are you ready yet?” Shouting back, the woman replies, “For crying out loud, Ed. I’ve been telling you for the last half hour, I’ll be ready in a minute!” =========================== A grizzled old man was eating in a […]
And Then the fight started
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’ I said, ‘Dust.’ And then the fight started. ====================================================== = My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in […]
Ralph and Edna
Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Ralph out. […]
Well-known Proverbs
A 1st grade school teacher presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic! 1. Don’t change horses until they stop running. […]
Voted Best Scottish Short Joke
A bloke walks into a Glasgow library and says to the prim librarian, “Excuse me Miss, dey ye hiv ony books on suicide?” To which she stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of her glasses and says, “Off wi’ ye, ye’ll no bring it back!”
Mental Hospital
One day, in a mental hospital the nurse found Ralph sitting on a lawn chair reading. He was completely nude except for a necktie. “Why aren’t you dressed?” the nurse asked. Ralph replied, “No need. Nobody comes to visit me.” “But why the necktie?” she asked and Ralph shrugged. “You never know. Someone might drop […]
Clever Advertising
Have you noticed how retailers are getting a little more imaginative with their advertising material etc.? I suppose the hairdressers started it off… and this is NOT an excuse for anybody to recycle yet again all those shop names like “Curl Up and Dye”, we have seen those so many times. Last week it was […]
Scottish Jokes
‘A Glaswegian stops before a graveyard in a Gorbals cemetery, and notices a carved tombstone declaring, “Here lies a lawyer and an honest man…” “Ach, who’d ever think…” he murmered, “there’d be enough room fer two men in that one wee grave…”‘ ‘Did ye hear about the Scotsman who married a girl born on February […]
Jews and Arabs
=========================== A story is told of a Jewish man who was riding on the subway reading an Arab newspaper. A friend of his, who happened to be riding in the same subway car, noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he approached the newspaper reader: “Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading an […]
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