Humor
Wedding One-Liners
Here’s some advice for the newly wed; It isn’t the stork that brings the babe but the little larks in bed. ~~~ You never know what true bliss is until you are married; unfortunately by then it is too late. ~~~ A husband and wife were dining out when the wife saw a familiar face […]
Weak Short’uns
Q. What is the largest room in the world? A. The room for improvement. Q. What is the strongest days? A. Saturday and Sunday. All the others are weak days. Q. Where U.S. City is like a hill ?? A: Ohio – as it’s “hi” in the middle. Did you hear the story about the […]
Casual Fridays
Memo No. 1: Effective immediately, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day so that employees may express their diversity. Memo No. 2: Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day. Neither are string ties, rodeo belt buckles or moccasins. Memo No. 3: Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude. When […]
Signs
On a plumbers truck: “We repair what your husband fixed.” On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania: “Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.” At a tire shop in Milwaukee: “Invite us to your next blowout.” At a towing company: “We don’t charge an arm and a leg. We want […]
Are You Ready To Have Kids?
MESS TEST: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer. TOY TEST: Obtain a 55 gallon box of Legos (or you may substitute roofing tacks). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to […]
Winter
It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets, and when he looked at the sky, he couldn’t tell what the weather […]
Finding A Job
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned… couldn’t concentrate. Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the ax. After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it, mainly because it […]
Great Writer
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define “great” he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl […]
Finding A Job: More
Larry tried working for the IRS, but it was too taxing. He tried working as a banker, but he wasn’t really interested. He tried driving a truck, but wasn’t motivated. He attempted to be a news anchor, but it weighed him down. He worked once for Goodyear, but he was too tired. He modeled for […]
Children’s Prayers
Dear God, Please put another holiday between Christmas and Easter. There is nothing good in there now. Ginny Dear Mr. God, I wish you would not make it so easy for people to come apart. I had to have stitches and a shot. Jane Dear – God If we come back as something, please don’t […]
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