Humor
God Will Provide
A young woman brings home her fiance to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. The father invites the fiance to his study for a drink. “So what are your plans?” the father asks the young man. “I’m going to be a Bible scholar,” he […]
Recall Notice
The Maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to the serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart. This is due to a willful malfunction in the original prototype units code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect […]
Evolution
EVOLUTION TAKES A NEW TWIST ! ! ! “PRIMATE: Any order of mammals comprising humans, apes, monkeys, and related forms” (Merriam Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary). “PRIMATE: ape; baboon; chimpanzee; gorilla….” (Roget’s International Thesaurus). The following news arrived from the Presbyterian News Service on Tuesday, May 2, 2000, forwarded from the United States Episcopal News Service: “ANGLICAN […]
Moses
Moses’ wife, trailing behind him, says with a smirk on her face, “So here we are, wandering in the desert for forty years, just because Mister-don’t-ask-anybody-directions wouldn’t find out from the burning bush where he was supposed to go.”
Miscellany
A man phones the local hospital and yells: “You’ve got to send help! My wife’s in labour!” Nurse: “Calm down. Is this her first child?” Him: “No! This is her husband!” ~~~ Q. Why is television called a medium? A. It is neither rare nor well-done. To tell the weather: Go to your back door […]
The Bible, According To Children
1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off. 2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark which the animals come on to in pears. 3. Lot’s wife was […]
Marriage Blues
Aunt Edna moved into the small home on her husband’s ranch in Wyoming. She put a shoebox on a shelf in her closet and asked her husband never to touch it. For fifty years, Uncle Jack left the box alone, until Aunt Edna was old and dying. One day, when he was putting their affairs […]
Learnt From Kids
The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, Texas. THINGS I’VE LEARNED FROM MY CHILDREN… (HONEST AND NO KIDDING): 1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 square foot house 4 inches deep. 2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they […]
Sheriff And Vet
In one small rural town the sheriff also fulfilled the role of the town’s animal Vet. One night the phone rang, and his wife answered. An agitated voice inquired, “Is your husband there?” “Well, do you need him as the sheriff or the vet?” the wife asked. “Both!” was the reply. “We can’t get our […]
Redneck Medical Terms
Redneck Medical Terms: Benign…………………….What you be after you be eight. Bacteria………………….Back door to cafeteria. Barium……………………What you do with dead folks. Caesarean Section…..A neighborhood in Rome. Catscan………………….Searching for the cat. Cauterize………………..Made eye contact with her. Colic……………………….A sheep dog. Coma……………………..A punctuation mark. D&C……………………….Where Washington is. Dilate……………………..To live longer than your kids do. Enema……………………Not a friend. Fester…………………….Quicker than […]
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