Humor
Wise Sayings
There are two kinds of people in this world: Those who are good with words, and those who are… erm… thingy. – One day it struck me that it’s just not right that we eat certain animals, yet treat others as pets. And THAT’S when I invented Kitten McNuggets. – clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop, BANG! An […]
Kids In Church
A little boy was in a relative’s wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between the bride’s side and the groom’s side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went; step, step, ROAR, […]
Hymns For The Lukewarm Church
This is the latest best-seller to hit the bookstalls. A quote from the preface – " We didn’t want to turn anyone off with threatening words that no one understands any more, like ‘worship’. People in today’s society get kind of uncomfortable with too much talk about things like commitment and dedication. They’d much rather […]
God’s E-Mail
Recently God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the evil that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out. So he called on a female angel and sent her to Earth for a time. When she returned she told God, yes it is bad […]
Hymns For The Lukewarm Church [2]
And from the Laodicean Hymnal O come let us ignore him. Must I obey Blessed insurance Surely goodness and money While shepards washed their socks Bleed my sheep Nearer the cost I have decided to forego Jesus We’ve got the whole world Lead me to carvery
The Revival
Three churches – Baptist, Methodist, and Presbyterian – worked together to sponsor a community-wide revival. After the revival had concluded, the three pastors were discussing the results with one another. The Methodist minister said, "The revival worked out great for us! We gained 4 new families." The Baptist preacher said, "We did better than that! […]
Computer Humour
There are two ways to write error-free programs. Only the third one works. A computer program does what you tell it to do, not what you want it to do. A computer’s attention span is only as long as its extension cord. A)bort, R)etry or S)elf-destruct? A)bort, R)etry, I)gnore, V)alium? A)bort, R)etry, I)nfluence with large […]
All In A Preacher’s Day
While working on a sermon the pastor heard a knock at his office door. "Come in," he invited. A sad-looking man in threadbare clothes came in, pulling a large pig on a rope. "Can I talk to you for a minute?" asked the man with his hat in his hand. Wordlessly, the pastor indicated the […]
Aircraft Warranty
This was actually posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas website by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humor. The company, of course, does not – and made the web department take it down immediately. Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please […]
10 Words That Ought To Be In The Dictionary
AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks’trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes. CARPERPETUATION (kar’pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting […]
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