Humor
Ten Excuses A Woman Gives For Calling Off The Relationship
10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance.") 9. There’s a slight difference in our ages. (You are one Jurassic geezer.) 8. I’m not attracted to you in ‘that’ way. (You are the ugliest dork I’ve ever laid eyes upon.) 7. My life is too […]
Ten Excuses Men Give For Calling Off A Relationship
10. I think of you as a sister. (You’re ugly.) 9. There’s a slight difference in our ages. (You’re ugly.) 8. I’m not attracted to you in ‘that’ way. (You’re ugly.) 7. My life is too complicated right now. (You’re ugly.) 6. I’ve got a girlfriend. (You’re ugly.) 5. I don’t date women where I […]
Ashes To…
A little boy comes in and says to his mother, "Is it true that we come from dust and return to dust?" "That’s what the Bible says," she answered. "Well, somebody is either coming or going under my bed," he said.
The Vet
There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through veterinary school working nights as a taxidermist. Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two vocations to better serve the needs of his patients and their owners, while doubling his practice and, therefore, his income. He opened his own offices with a shingle on […]
Lost Buttons
A man lost two buttons from his shirt and put them in his pants pocket. But the pocket had a hole, so the buttons fell into his shoe. Unfortunately, the shoe sole also had a hole, so he lost the buttons. Since pockets with holes, holes without buttons, and shoe soles with holes are useless, […]
Photo Radar
A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo: handcuffs.
Dead Engineer
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you’re an engineer-you’re in the wrong place." So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building […]
‘Humor Impaired’
A preacher, who shall we say was "humor impaired", attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors for their ministry. Among the speakers were many well known and dynamic speakers. One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd’s attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the […]
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Dear Dad, $chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can`t think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, Your $on The Reply: ———- Dear […]
Your Tattoo
The doctor noted with astonishment a tattoo of a bluebird on the shoulder of his 70 year old patient, who was in his office for her annual check up. She told him that she had wanted one her whole life, so she and her 16 yr old grandson decided that they would birthday tattoos together. […]
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