Humor
Thoughts from a retired mind
these: I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can’t afford one, so, I’m wearing my garage door opener. You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people who avoided me just didn’t like me. […]
For gentleman only
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. “Careful,” he said, “CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going […]
A Child’s View
A little girl was lying on the floor with her crayons and a large drawing pad when her father came into the room and asked, “What are you drawing, honey?” Without looking up, she replied, “I’m drawing a picture of God.” Her father smiled and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.” Without […]
For Lexophiles
FOR LEXOPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS): * A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired. * A will is a dead giveaway. * Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana. * A backward poet writes inverse. * A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion. * When a clock is hungry it […]
The Living Lexicon: Church Terms That Oughta Be
Biblidue: The build-up of bookmarks, bulletins, notes, and other miscellanea that collects in one’s Bible. Clivaholic: One who can no longer control the compulsion to quote C.S. Lewis in every sermon, lesson, or conversation. Hymnastics: The entertaining body language of the song leader. Narthexegesis: Unsolicited post-sermon commentary given the preacher by armchair biblical theologians. Pewtrify: […]
Sniffer Dog
A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador retriever in the middle seat next to the man. The first man looks very quizzically at the dog and asks why the dog is allowed on […]
Attitude
There once was a woman who woke up one morning, Looked in the mirror, And noticed she had only three hairs on her head. Well,” she said, “I think I’ll braid my hair today.” So she did And She Had A Wonderful Day. ~~~ The next day she woke up, Looked in the mirror And […]
Comedy Central’s Joke of the Day
Liar Sermon A minister wound up the services one morning by saying, ”Next Sunday I am going to preach on the subject of liars. And in this connection, as a preparation for my discourse, I would like you all to read the seventeenth chapter of Mark”. On the following Sunday, the preacher rose to begin […]
No Pun In 10 Did
* I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me. * Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. * Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now. * The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was […]
Haiku Poems
Haiku poems must have 17 syllables, 5 in first line, 7 in second and 5 in third. These apparently are real error messages from Japan ….. Chaos reigns within Reflect, Repent, and reboot Order shall return Program aborting Close all that you have worked on You asked far too much Windows NT crashed I am […]
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