A retiree ¢â‚¬â„¢s bedtime is three hours after he falls asleep on the couch. It takes only one retiree to change a light bulb, but it may take all day. A retiree ¢â‚¬â„¢s biggest complaint is that there is not enough time to get everything done. Retirees do not mind being called Seniors, because the term […]
Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a Texaco Gasoline station was just a block away. She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant […]
A preacher said, “Anyone with ‘special needs’ who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar.” With that, an Aboriginal man got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, “Mulrunji, what do you want me to pray about […]
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On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. ‘One for you, one for me, one for you, one for […]
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that….2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes. The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death. Paddy says “Mick, I’m thinking of buying […]
We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk, and the next Twenty-four years telling them to sit down and shut up! ============= An Octogenarian who was an avid golfer moved to a new town and joined the local Country Club. He went to the Club for the […]
A devout Moslem enters a taxi; once seated he asks the cab driver to turn off the radio, because he must not hear music as decreed by his religion and, in the time of the prophet, there was no music, especially Western music which is music of the infidels and certainly no radio ……… So […]
A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 Feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash. Behind […]
His father sends a small boy to bed. Five minutes later…. “Da-ad….” “What?” “I’m thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?” “No. You had your chance. Lights out.” Five minutes later: “Da-aaaad…..” “WHAT?” “I’m THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??” “I told you NO!” If you ask again, I’ll have to spank you!!” […]