Humor
Humo[u]r
A man walks into a doctor ¢â‚¬â„¢s office with a stick of celery in one ear, a carrot in the other and a grape up his nose. Confused, the man asks: “Doctor what’s wrong with me?” The doctor looks at the man and replies: “You’re not eating properly!” ===================== Q: Two men are at a restroom, […]
Humo[u]r
Teenage Driver I decided to stop worrying about my teenage son’s driving and take advantage of it. I got one of those bumper stickers that say, “How’s my driving?” and put a 900 number on it. “At 50 cents a call, I’ve been making $38 a week!” ====================== A minister, having served the same church […]
Brain Study….
I ¢â‚¬â„¢ve seen this with the letters out of order, but this is the first time I ¢â‚¬â„¢ve seen it with numbers. Good example of a Brain Study: If you can read this you have a strong mind: 7H15 M3554G3 53RV35 7O PR0V3 H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5! 1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5! 1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG 17 WA5 […]
Let’s All Get Drunk and Go To Heaven
“Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams .. If I didn’t drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say […]
Police Stop 2 am.
An elderly man was stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and was asked where he was going at that time of night. The man replied, “I’m on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late.” The officer […]
The Old …… Never Die
OLD ACADEMICS never die, they just lose their faculties OLD ACCOUNTANTS never die, they just lose their balance OLD ACCOUNTS never die, they are deleted OLD ACTORS never die, they just drop a part OLD ALCAHOLICS/DRUG ADDICTS never die, they just get wasted OLD ANTHROPOLOGISTS never die, they just become history OLD ARCHERS never die, […]
When Penguins Die
Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica ? Where do they go? Wonder no more ! ! ! It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, […]
Humo[u]r for Old-timers
I’ve sure gotten old! I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I’m half blind, Can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine, Take 40 different medications that Make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia .. Have poor circulation; Hardly feel my hands […]
Prayer for the New Year
Thought for the new year… Dear God, My prayer for the new year is for a fat bank account & a thin body. Please don’t mix these up like you did last year. AMEN!
RESTAURANT FRIVOLITIES…
Today Jan and I enjoyed the special $15 seniors ¢â‚¬â„¢ fish/wine/Bavarian apple meal at the Pancake Parlour. Some conversations with others (blame the wine): Waitress: How are you finding everything? Moi: I just open my eyes and look for it Waitress: Can I take these plates away? Yes they ¢â‚¬â„¢re our special Christmas gift to you Waitress: […]
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