Humor
Bachelor
A young bachelor goes through the checkout line at the grocery store with: A can of corn, an can of green beans, 6 TV dinners, a quart of milk, and a six pack of beer. The cashier tells the man, “I’ll bet you are single.” The man replies, “Can you tell that just by the […]
Funeral
A young minister, in the first days of his first parish, was obliged to call upon the widow of an eccentric man who had just died. Standing before the open casket and consoling the widow, he said, “I know this must be a very hard blow, Mrs. Vernon. But we must remember that what we […]
A Cat In Heaven
————————- A cat shows up at the Pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter says, “I know you! You were a very nice cat on earth and didn’t cause any trouble, so I want to offer a gift to you of one special thing you have always wanted.” Cat: “Well, I did always long to own […]
If Men Got Pregnant……
– Maternity leave would last for two years…with full pay. – There’d be a cure for stretch marks – Natural childbirth would become obsolete – Morning sickness would rank as the nation’s number one health problem – All methods of birth control would be improved 100 percent effectiveness – Children would be kept in the […]
Philosopher’s Press Agent
Reporter: “I hear you have just hired a press agent to publicize your teachings.” Philosopher: “Yes, that’s correct. This press agent has just been assigned to distribute my precepts to the wide world. He claims he can spread my message with great speed.” Reporter: “Could you share some of these precepts with us?” Philosopher: “I […]
Mother-In-Law
A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to […]
College Student
A college student wrote a letter home: * * * “Dear folks, I feel miserable because I have to keep writing for money. I feel ashamed and unhappy. I have to ask for another hundred dollars, but every cell in my body rebels. I beg on bended knee that you forgive me. Your son, Marvin. […]
Newspapers
Folks, Nothing really funny happened to me yesterday, so as I sat down to write today’s intro, I thought I’d use something from the yesterday morning’s paper as fodder. Problem: I read that newspaper pretty thoroughly, but some 15 hours later, I can’t remember a single damn thing about what was in it. Yep, it’s […]
Proper Shop
A psychotherapist was having a roaring business since he started from scratch. So much so that he could now afford to have a proper shop banner advertising his wares. So he told a kid to paint the sign board for him & put it above his shop entrance. But, instead of his business building up, […]
60th
A couple had been married for 25 years and was celebrating the husband’s 60th birthday. During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each. The wife said, “We’ve been so poor all these years, and I’ve never […]
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