Humor
The Waiter
Air Conditioner A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant; first, he’d asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down because he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour. Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked […]
Psychiatric Hotline Answering Protocol
Hello – welcome to the Psychiatric hotline. If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6 If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we […]
Collector
=-=-=-=-= A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double take. He recognizes that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy […]
Life Insurance
A life insurance agent was speaking with a would-be client. After a long presentation of the risks of not buying the policy, the man was still a bit hesitant. “I feel that you’re trying to frighten me into a hasty decision. “Oh, no, I would never do such a thing!” the agent assured him. “I’ll […]
Priest And Nuns
‘Our’ not ‘Your’ At a small parish in rural New England there lived a priest, and several nuns. One day, one of the older nuns was noticing that the rugs in the church were beginning to fray. She went to the priest and told him, “Father, I believe your rugs need to be replaced soon.” […]
Merits And Demerits
In the smoking-car the conversation turned to the merits and demerits of various ways of preserving health. One stout, florid man held forth with great eloquence on the subject. Look at me! he said. Never a day’s sickness in my life, and all due to simple food. Why, gentlemen, he continued, from the age of […]
Snow Plough
“Snow Plow” A lady was lost in her car in a bad snowstorm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, wait for a snowplow and follow it. Pretty soon a snowplow came by and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about […]
Proud Guys
Two guys were at a bar talking about how highly their wives thought of them. The first guy said, “My wife, she thinks so much of me that she won’t let me do any work around the house. It’s incredible.” The second guy says, “That’s nothing. My wife thinks I’m God.” “She thinks you’re God? […]
Dilbertisms
Dilbert’s Latest Vocabulary Additions: New Words for the ’90s BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves. CHAINSAW CONSULTANT: An outside expert brought in to […]
Hormone Hostage Guide
Every “Hormone Hostage” knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands. This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver’s license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend or significant other: DANGEROUS: […]
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