Humor
Collateral Required
An old Native American wanted a loan for $500. He approached his local banker. The banker pulled out the loan application, asking, "What are you going to do with the money?" "Take jewelry to city and sell it," said the old man. "What have you got for collateral?" queried the banker, going strictly by the […]
Tradition Expressed
A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery. Suddenly one contemporary painting caught her eye. "What on earth," she inquired of the artist standing nearby, "is that?" He smiled condescendingly. "That, my dear lady, is supposed to be a mother and her child." […]
Humorous Bible Trivia
Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? A. Noah–he was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation. Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible? A. Pharoah’s daughter–she went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet. Q. What kind of man was Boaz […]
Measuring The Pole
Two morons are trying to measure a telephone pole. They keep trying to climb it and keep sliding down. Along comes this really big, musclebound shmuck and says, "Hey, what are you guys doing?" The two idiots say, "We’re trying to measure the height of this pole." The schmuck wraps his arms around the pole, […]
Comedians’ Best Lines
"I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it’s such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her." –Ellen DeGeneres "A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. ‘You know a […]
Drunk Driver
There was an inebriated driver who was pulled up by the police. When the cop opened the door, the driver fell out. "YOU’RE DRUNK!" exclaimed the police officer. "Thank God for that!" said the drunk, "I thought the steering had gone." ————— A guy was driving his car down the road when he was pulled […]
Dumb Driver
A woman & a man are involved in a car accident. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you’re a man, that’s interesting. I’m a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There’s nothing left, but fortunately […]
Music On The Radio
A guy went to Tuscaloosa and picked up one of those new Mercedes. He was testing it out in the parking lot, turned on the radio and nothing happened. Furious, he demanded to see the plant manager, and told him "When I buy a $50,000 car I expect the *&# radio to work." The plant […]
Y2k
In the recesses of the Roman section of the British Museum, a researcher recently found a tattered parchment. Translated, it was a letter from Plutonius, "magister factorium", or keeper of the calendar, to one Cassius, dated, oddly enough, 1BC, January 19, or 2,000 years ago today: Dear Cassius, Are you still working on the Y […]
Mystery
One of life’s great mysteries, solved at last What a woman says: "This place is a mess! C’mon, you and I need to clean up. Your stuff is lying on the floor and you’ll have no clothes to wear if we don’t do the laundry right now!" What a man hears: blah, blah, blah, blah, […]
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